I'm walking. It's quite cold out, so I bundle up the best that I can - hat, coat, scarf wrapped around about ten times, and decent shoes. The wind is chilly and whispers to my bones that it will break me if it must. Oh, and it's raining. A freezing rain dropping from the heavens. It's not a light mist of rain, which I can handle (with an extra scarf) - it's a downpour of God's piss threatening to drench me regardless of what I'm wearing.
I must carry an umbrella.
Now, I don't have many umbrellas - a couple of "I can get the job done" umbrellas. Nothing spectacular (though I thought about getting one that looks like a samurai sword. Sweeeet.... *nerd out moment*). Just a plain, ol' umbrella.
I open it and walk a few steps. The wind feels me on the move and seems angry. *Swoosh* The pressure of the wind blows directly up into my umbrella (almost like it was coming from the ground somehow..) and I look up just in time to see the metal breaking under its strength. *Swoosh* It flies upward.
Sigh.
Not to be defeated, I grab the umbrella with one hand and force it back into place. I whisper, "Let's get the job done, friend... For the love of all that's holy and pure, DO YOUR FUCKING JOB, PLEASE."
I walk a block and feel another gust of wind. *Swoosh* This time, Umbrella and I were ready. En garde! I lower my umbrella directly against the wind and rain coming at me and it blows against the umbrella - the correct way! Yes!
I walk a few blocks more, feeling confident that I will possibly make it home. I stop at the stoplight and push the walk button and wait. This isn't so bad...
*Swoosh, swoosh, swoosh* The wind must have extra wind friends that we don't know about because it was relentless. Up goes the umbrella for the second time. By now, I'm already soaked, cold as ice cubes in an alley, and my umbrella is screaming, "PLEASE put my ass away!"
Will do. I fold up the umbrella and hold it under my arm. Still walking, I struggle against the rain and wind to strategically tie my scarf over my hat, while shielding my phone/earbuds and purse.
Dear Umbrella,
It is with my deepest regret to inform you that I have to let you go. I need to find some other way to protect myself against the elements and, quite frankly, you suck at your job.
Sincerely,
Sarah
