Out to get me.

There is a stool at a coffee shop downtown that hates me. I always miscalculate just how much room there is to sit down. I'll usually sit there when I'm waiting for an order.

The first time startled the hell out of me so much that I swore everyone was staring at me.

There are two stools at a table - rectangular seats. A slight dip in them for your tush. (Remind me to never type that word again, let alone say it.) They look easy to sit in. Almost comfortable. Those are stools I would like in my house, I thought.

I go to sit down and --

*Note to readers: In my defense, the table was wobbly as hell. So much that I even looked down to make sure a leg wasn't missing.

-- I do the sit and slide, where you sit down on the edge and push yourself back. Yeah. What *looks* like a good amount of room to do the "sit and slide", is only about 8 inches of wood (..........smh...) and before I know it, I'm halfway off the stool, and about to slide backwards off of the damn thing.

Are you serious??

I try to look as casual as possible. Maybe I meant to slide back that far. I do a quick stretch and look around -- no one is staring that I know of. Thank goodness. How embarrassing.

I hate that stool.

But it's so inviting.

I sat in it again today.

Almost fell.

Again.

I promise I will master the skill of sitting on these stools before Summer --NO, Autumn. Before Autumn.