White Lies

What do you do when someone you love and trust isn’t completely honest with you? Are they trying not to hurt you? Do they think they’re sheltering you from the pain? Or do they know exactly what they are doing?



Hurt and pain is inevitable in life. The more you try to hide someone from that, the more they will eventually experience it in the future. Personally, I like to hear the truth, regardless of how it may make me feel at that moment. I will have much more respect for you in the end and we’ll come through it together, our friendship stronger than ever.



Maybe I come off as a weak person. This is not the case. I usually laugh at the things that my friends have come clean with in the past - especially when they think it’ll change the way I view them. Because my response is usually: “Trust me - I’ve heard much worse.”



In the end, it’s not just me you’re lying to - it’s yourself as well. Some people get so wrapped up in their lies that they end up believing it to be the full truth. Others are so torn up about it that they end up not knowing who they really are deep down, causing them to change the way they act.



Then there are those that are just full of betrayal and deceit. These people can be so good, that they can sweet talk the devil into eating his own toe nail clippings. I would love to believe that I have never met someone of this nature but lately it seems like that may not be the case.



I want someone to trust. I want to be trusted as well. By friends, by family, by lovers. I’m reminded of the episode of True Blood (aaahhhh TB philosophy!!) - Season 2, episode 11 - when Eric asks Sam: “Why should I trust you?” and Sam replies: “Because until somebody starts trusting somebody, we’re all single targets, just ripe for the picking.”



I had a great discussion last night with three really good friends. Three guys that I have not met in person, but I have known online for close to seven years. And believe me - they are amazing. We banter, we bullshit, we make fun of each other; we’re like family. Because if someone messes with one of us, trust me, they will see the wrath of the other three.



Knowing I have friends like this, regardless of how we know each other, means the world to me. I had a tough time dealing with some friend/love/trust issues yesterday and they helped talk me through it. I also received some input from a couple other friends - for that, I am grateful.



So pull the shades away from your eyes and answer me: Why lie? At the end of the day, what do we both gain from it?

WTF??

What's with all the negativity on Facebook lately? Seriously folks. Calm it down. Start a blog like me if you want to bitch and moan about your life.

Lonely

 
I sit

The tight black dress

Hugging my hips

Night is warm

Restaurant cool

(Should have brought a sweater..)

Medium steak on my plate,

Pinot Grigio in my glass.

I eat, but still feel empty.

Gazing across the table, I dream;

A vision so beautiful:

A man, slightly taller to my 5'7"

Beautiful complexion

Excellent jawline

Suckable, juicy lips

He licks them...

I cross my legs.

Dark grey suit

Black button down

Black belt, shoes..

Simply stunning.

His eyes catch mine..

Purely twisted elegance

As my mind races

With sinful, lustful

Ragingly sensual thoughts.

I read his mind.

He thinks the same.

He smiles.

I melt.

Waiter comes with the check.

I swallow hard.

Adjust the straps on my dress.

My sultry, seductive vision vanishes.

I'm left alone, once more

With a bill, Platinum Visa and my dreams.

Doe-Eyed

Can you feel the heat
off my cheeks and throat?

I feel it rising
from the pit of my stomach
to my Crown

It flows through me
like fire

You stare through me
until you catch glimpse
into my eyes...

You go into a distant trance
as you slowly realize

I'm not blushing
from your sweet words.
I'm crying.

Loved.

I am happy in my secluded space

But lonely in my heart.

My phone buzzes with strangers' numbers

Not friends of mine.

Never an attention seeker - 

but one that needs to be needed

Wanted.

Loved.

*clears throat*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






Alright. Sorry. I feel a bit better now.

Ex Mess

It's that time of year again - time for the Christmas movies to come out. I'm not really sure if I'm ready to hear "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings!" 50 times yet. (BTW - does anyone want to explain to me why Santa is already at the mall?)

Honestly, I'm never ready to hear it. Ever. Which is why I pull out such gems as Black Christmas; Silent Night, Bloody Night and Jack Frost. Ahhh... They make me smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Okay - there are a FEW (well, two) funny ones that I like and that are classics in my family: A Christmas Story and Christmas Vacation. Mostly because these movies illustrate my family so well: the dad in Christmas Story yells as much as our dad, my brothers had BB guns, and my family is just as messed up as Clark Griswold's. 'Tis the season to be Merry ;) ("Well, that's my name!" "No shit.")

But we don't watch these movies because of the Christmas theme. We watch them because they're FUNNY. They could be centered around the 4th of July and we'd still watch them.

Last year, my mom and I made A Christmas Story X-Mas cookies - they were in the shapes of a leg lamp and Ralphie in his Easter bunny costume (I guess I could also make these for Jesus's death as well as his birth, huh? Kill two birds with one stone). They were quite extraordinary. I'm sure my neighbors were thrilled to get fishnet stockinged legs to eat. They were pretty yummy.